moments, later

I was downloading the new Bonnie Billy when,
Text: “Hi” _ _ _ _’s first contact in months. My heart dropped but I wasted no time.
Text: “Uh Oh” The last text I sent to her many months back is vivid, as I crossed the border over the Delaware Water Gap into Jersey. “That’s dumb” is what I sent, all the details to that moment awhirl in momentary refinement.
Text: “hahahahhaha”. Shit. I should walk away, leave it be but my dumb heart thumped.
Text: “Well?”
Text: “Well what.”
Text: “You have something to say?” Already too stupid, if someone wants to say something they say it. Poor girl’s too smart. Poor boy’s too bold, too stupid.
Minutes pass.
Text: “You just crossed my mind.” Christ, I should just let it be. My heart was alive.
I reply after some thought. Text: “Get back to me when you have something to say. OK? OK.” I thought of her mean wrath and the damn peanut chicken.
Text: “I think of you every time I make the damn penis chicken.” Jesus.
Text: “I love you babe. Be well.” I loved her. I knew it. The kind for great loves.
Text : “How?” I couldn’t answer, she already knew.
Text: “call or im, there is too much.” A risk and a stupid one at that.
Text: “messy” But it wasn’t. A life of lies is messy, not calling is messy. At least in my book.
The IM came moments later. I cracked a bottle and dug back in waiting for my train.