Thursday, October 9, 2008

add hoc

Legitimacy is built on living honestly. What a fucking deal. There are just too many coals to rake to keep account of them all. A picture speaks them better anyway - it affords a wider swath than generative personal politics can. One can use their victimhood or fear or arrogance to avoid responsibility but these lead to similar conclusions, paranoia, or worse, all out self deception.
It's strange, I can't imagine it, still, I really can't see it, what else would I do?
Holly looks for more.
I can't imagine not supporting your family, those you love.
Yea, she never loved you Daniel, she doesn't care about you.
I stayed silent on this one, still can't imagine it. The victim would rally the point. The coward would run from the question. The arrogant would persist in the face of it. These thoughts persist and I know I'm arrogant. What a fucking deal.
Before there was even time to respond the kids demand attention dragging food and toys across the hardwood floors. I look out the rain drenched windows, it's dark, 7PM, summer was gone, winter ahead.
What's next? But the kids were already distracting, already moving on to more important tasks of rolling and laughing and anything but staunch self analysis, how boring. I kiss them all and moved out on foot in the rain.
The coolness of the night impressed me. It hit me hard like most things do in this dark brick town and I made it across the city with thoughts of hot pasta and organic sauces lining the fridge, somber tunes droning between flips to the dark financial news if I could find a willing station so late on the FM. When I arrived the pasta seemed cold and lonely so I popped some corn and sat back with a beer over six months of edits not knowing what comes next.

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